Trust

Adopting a child--big event in our life right now.
Huge.
This has been something we have dreamed of, prayed about, dreamed of more, prayed about more for over 10 years.
The fact that the time has finally arrived to do it--really exciting!
Going through the process-trainings, paperwork, home study, TB testing, CPR training, etc. --again big events.
Lots of waiting in between events.
Lots of unknowns ahead.

But for some reason it is not consuming my brain.
I am actually a bit shocked by this.
I am not anxious.
I am not concerned.
I actually go through much of the day without thinking about it.

I feel complete peace.
Excitement beyond belief but complete peace.
I feel no need to go over and over the details.
I feel no need to try to figure out the end result.
I feel no need to talk it out with everyone.

Peace.
So why peace now?
I am not always this way.

Tonight, as I finished the last lesson in my bible study (Yay for finishing strong!)...it made sense.

I trust that God is going to do what He has told us He will do.
I trust that God has the perfect child awaiting us.
I trust that God will place that child in our family at the perfect time.

Trust equals peace.

Wish I always got it. But thankful I do this time.

Our second homestudy meeting is Nov 24th.
Very excited!

Rejection

Rejection is hard.
It doesn't matter who it is by-it is hard.
But when it hits close to home, it is harder.

This morning, I am left confused, heart broken, and a bit angry.
I hate the angry part.

In my fantasy world, when I love someone, do kind things for someone, pray for someone, hope for someone, sacrifice for someone, forgive and forgive someone, and encourage someone---
They will obviously accept my love and see me as loving.

But this doesn't happen in reality.
This person is real.
And I have tried to do all of the above for this person.
Only to be rejected.

They hate me.
They curse me.
They talk about me.
They call me names.
They question my salvation.
They tell me I am a horrible person.
They tell me I am evil.
They tell me to get out of their life.

It is so hard.

Again, the Spirit told me to give that person a very specific message, and I did.
Again, I was rejected.

But the Son of God was rejected.
He experienced the Ultimate rejection for my sake.

So this morning, as confused as I am, I will continue to seek Him first, His Kingdom.

And His Joy is Mine.
Thank you for that steadfast JOY!

Humble Me, O Lord-Give me Wisdom

Struggling with issues regarding public school.

Keep going back to our decision that was bathed in prayer and know we made this choice together as husband and wife.

Asking for wisdom today to know when to sit back and accept things and when I need to have a voice.

I don't want to be one who fights for my rights or the rights of my child--I want to be the one who lives a life for Christ.

This momma stuff is hard.

Are You Safe Under My Tree?

A Tree and Its Fruit

Jesus says we will be known by our fruit.
(Luke 6:44)

He defines the fruit as:
love
joy
peace
patience
kindness
goodness
faithfulness
gentleness
self-control
(Gal 5:22-23)

He compares us to a tree. He continues to explain that "No good tree bears bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit".

Today, as we studied this idea of a tree and fruit and how that relates to us.

I found myself asking a few questions:
What kind of tree am I?
Is my tree blossoming with the fruits He desires--the fruit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

Are the fruit present REAL or artificial?

Am I trying to glue on fruit that look like love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control?
or
Am I truly connected to the root system of Christ-surrendering daily to Him and allowing Him to produce these fruit in my life?

I imagined someone or some circumstances (the floods and winds of life) shaking my tree violently--and one that I loved standing under my tree.

What would happen?
Are you safe under my tree?
Are the fruit real?
Or
Would they all fall on top of your head because they are merely glued on?

Do I love when it is hard to love? When someone rejects me, talks about me unfairly, cheats me, and crushes my spirit--do I love even then?

Do I have peace even in the middle of the storms--financial hardships, tantrums that seem to never end, or relationships that are broken?

Do I have patience when someone is so very trying - pushing every limit with me.

Do I exhibit kindness when someone is very unkind to me--downright rude?

Do I show goodness when it is not the easy thing to do--I would NOT benefit?

Am I gentle with the most abrupt?

A sweet lady in our Sunday School class this morning ask us,

"Imagine you are a tube of toothpaste-what happens when you are squeezed--what comes out then?"

Lord, I want to have this fruit you speak of--when the winds and rains come in life like you promise they will--I want the ones around me to be safe under my tree.
Amen

His Story--Not Mine

We all have our convictions.
We all feel strongly about different things.

Tonight, I am burdened by one of those convictions.

As believers, we meet-we meet on Sundays, we meet in each other's homes, we meet at parks to watch our kids play.

Meetings are good.

But if we are not willing to be REAL and share our life story with others what is the point?

I strongly believe it is NOT our story. It is God's story.

It is all to prove His Grace, Mercy, Power, and Love.

I understand sin isn't pretty. And there is a time and a place to talk about it.
But if we can't share openly with other believers in a quiet, safe environment--then when can we?

I believe Satan wants us to keep our mouths closed. He wants us to hide the "not-so-pretty" stuff--that way we keep the secrets, the shame, or continue to be in bondage to it. He doesn't want us sharing.

He is all about stealing God's glory.
He would rather us look like "got it all together Christians" than for us to talk about the pits we have found ourselves in and tell how the Almighty One delivered us!

Maybe I shouldn't tell them I struggle. Maybe It would be easier just to sit in silence.
Satan wants me to question it.

But regardless if I stand alone, I will stand.
I may be shaking.
I may be crying.

But my God deserves all the Glory, Honor, and Praise!
It is only by Him that any good is in me today.
He found me in the pit of sin and raised me up.
There is power in His blood and power in His Spirit that now dwells in me.

Dreaming

I am dreaming of a day that my love for the Word will be so strong that I literally am drawn to it.

I expected to have that kind of love for the Word by now. I have been a believer since I was 8 years old, but I admit I do not.

It burdens me.

Every time I spend time with my Lord, I am refreshed and blessed.

But I don't go running back.

Instead....I choose other activities first-I choose my family first, my children first, cleaning first, baking first, facebook first, a good book first, a phone call first.

I am a busy mom--very true. But too busy to spend time in the Word?

No.

I have plenty of time.

I just run around hoarding my time from the Lord.

So once again, tonight there was a battle--between Spirit and Flesh.

Once again, Flesh pulled me towards laundry and facebook.

Once again, the Spirit whispered in love--I would love to spend time with you.

I was blessed by His Word tonight.

And although, the battle might continue.

It is well worth the fight.

I need the Spirit--without His voice I would wander far away from the Word and down paths I need not go.

Thank you Lord for caring for me enough -- yet again today -- to find me, speak to me, and love me.

Peace

When our lives align with God's plan, we will have peace.

Peace is already something we have as believers--we don't have to wait for it. We received it the minute we accepted Him as Lord.

Lack of peace? Maybe we are venturing away from God's plan for our lives.

I am praising Him today for the peace He has given me--it is not a peace based on circumstances..but a peace that is bigger, stronger, more powerful than any circumstance.

Precious, Just Precious

My daughter. I find her simply precious. Today, as she sang from her heart, the words that expelled exclaimed her faith in her Jesus.

"You can do anything with the Lord. Anything with the Lord. Yes, it is true. There is nothing you can't do--with the Lord."

Precious.

Help!

Can anyone explain to me how to make a picture black and white except for one part....like background and child black and white...but pumpkins orange?

I see people doing it all the time...but Okay, so I am not so great with all this photo editing software. (So if you do explain...details please.)

Please, Help!! It is driving me insane that I can't do it!

(I have photoshop and I downloaded gimp after someone told me to do that)

Peek-a-Boo

Thank You for a Glimpse

With three little ones, it is precious to have one-on-one time with any of our children.

I was so thankful for an evening with my daughter today. She is 6 and just so much fun to hang out with...

After picking her up from school, we went to Roly Poly for an afternoon snack. She is starving after school, and I didn't get lunch today! (Roly Poly is my fav, and she is thrilled they have cookies!!)

About midway through our mommy-daughter date, she needed to go to the restroom. Being so independent now--she went alone, and I waited.

When she returned, she says, "Mommy, I prayed to Jesus when I went to the potty."

My heart smiled and I told her, "Thaat is great sweetie....isn't it great that we can talk to our God anytime!" Then I ask her, "So what did you tell Him?"

Little girl replies, "I just told Him how thankful I am that He has protected our family. Kept us safe from so much...like storms, hurricanes, car accidents... And then I ask Him to please not let my family ever get killed in any of these ways."

Thank you Lord for a glimpse into my sweet girl's heart. I am so thankful that she has a relationship with you at such a young age. May her love for you and knowledge of you grow each day. I am grateful to be her mom. Your blessings are overwhelming.

HomeStudy Time

We had our first in-home interview yesterday for our homestudy!!! We are very excited!!!

Thanks for your prayers as we venture through the adoption process and wait for our child to join our family.

Church Search Over!

We joined a local church famiy today!
Very, very excited.

We also greeted today--handed out bulletins. I found this to be funny since it is only our 4th Sunday at this church---but it was fun, and I learned A LOT of names!

So, today just offering Praises to my Father who hears my prayers, knows my needs, and was faithful to guide us to this body of believers.

Still

"God doesn't yell over our "noise" - so if we want to hear Him we have to get Still."

He Speaks to Me By: Priscilla Shirer
(GREAT, GREAT Bible Study!!!)

"Be still and Know I am God." Psalm 46:10

How hard is this for you? I struggle.

Thankful for My Family-Hubby, Kiddos, and Grandparents!

My Sweet Family :)



My Sweet Hubby :)



My Sweet Mom-in-law :)



Blessed to have Great Grandparents!

I am not always.

I am not always strong.
Although, I may appear to be...
I am not always confident.
Although, I may take the risk.
I am not always full.
Although, I may not ask to be filled.
I am not always happy.
Although, I may have a smile.
I am not always connected.
Although, the pieces all seem to be present and attached.

I am not always.
There are those days-I just need strength. Someone else to hold me up.
There are those days--I just need encourgament. Someone to tell me I can do it well.
There are those days--I just need filling. Someone to stop and invest.
There are those days--I just need an extra dose of love. Someone to really care.
There are those days--I just need a connection. Someone to dig deep and find out what is really going on.

Lord, I know that only you can meet my needs. Help me to accept your love fully so that I can release those around me from meeting my needs. But help me to accept if your help and provision comes in human form.

Satan Knows

Satan knows he can't destroy a child of the Most High--
So he distracts us.
He may not be able to take us down, but he can make us ineffective.

What distracts you?

My Child, Pray.

God speaks at such random times in my life.
This week-no doubt HIS voice at the gym.
It came through a song blaring through my ipod (one of my new besties :) )!!!

"What if His people prayed
And those who bear His name
Would humbly seek His face, yeah
And turn from their old ways
He said that He would hear
His promise has been made
He'll answer loud and clear yeaah
If only we would pray"

God is calling me to prayer.
Deeper, more intimate time with my Saviour.

Lord, please help me to respond to your voice.
Distractions will come; I need you.
I know without your Spirit moving in me, I have no power.

Adoption Update

Our adoption classes are going GREAT! (#3 was tonight)
Learning so much.
Getting so excited.
Our adoption coordinator seems super sweet.
Waiting on the Lord--giving Him each day.

Thankful for my life--the life He called ME to live.

Pride?
I really don't want to call it Pride.
That is such an ugly, ugly word.

I looked back in the mirror and let out a deep breath.

Pride.
It is PRIDE.

How many times will I deny it?
How many times will I see it, but easily forget about it.
How many times will I let it destroy?
How many times does the Lord have to convict me of it?

This spiritual journey is often a roller coaster. I wouldn't trade it for anything but it definitely isn't always easy.

This week was NOT a warm and fuzzy kind of week.

The fact that I find negative things in other people very easily (even the people that I love the most and would do ANYTHING for) came back up loud and clear this week as I studied.

I have known it is a problem.
Confessed.
Tried harder.
But really never have gotten to the bottom of it.
Put it away.
Only to return to it.

Never have I admitted it is PRIDE.

I read the following definition:
"Pride-causes us to think less of others and too much of ourselves."

I never thought of myself as someone who thought too much of myself--if anything I had a bit of a self-esteem issue. But then as I continued to read about the too extreme cases of Pride--one was indeed thinking too highly of yourself--but the other was thinking too little of yourself.

Ouch. Okay, that fits me.
And now, I see it is directly connected to finding the negative in others. I hate feeling down on myself (even though I choose to)...and finding negative in others absolutely helps me see a glimpse of good in myself.

It is ugly.
I feel like I have been swimming around with a bunch of piglets in a muddy hole.

But as my blog was named--His Grace IS Enough Today.

Search me, O Lord.
Continue to show me the root of this sin.
Walk with me as I learn to surrender it and change.
I want to be more like you.